Aug 17, 2018

You can have the toaster

You can have the toaster
And the PC
Or even my Timothy Green DVD
I'll let you have the couch
And the TV
Hang on to that jacket that you bought for me..

-Thomas Sanders, The Things We Used To Share

Aug 16, 2018

Nude on White

“Women think of all colors except the absence of color. I have said that black has it all. White too. Their beauty is absolute. It is the perfect harmony.” ― Coco ChanelChanel

So I stand there and posed. Posing. Posing with confidence. Self-love. That's all one needs.

Aug 13, 2018


Why I feel like constantly rejecting others or being rejected by others.. I actually don't really know the answer to this, but according to Meg Jay, Ph.D., a psychologist and author:

'Society has convinced us that it's perfectly normal for 20-somethings to work as baristas, live in shoebox-size apartments, struggle to pay rent, and date all the wrong people — all the while having the time of their lives.'

The wrong people?
This is something I've been struggling a lot during my twenties and it is also something I usually see in a lot of people around myself. Maybe I am just not ready to be bound or the culture shock is still existing and I still don't know how to cope with this country and its people. From what I have seen, most of the relationships are based on expectations and I can't really say what defines a perfect relationship (both between men and women). Because not only between men and women, but also between the same genders there are constant problems. Mutual understanding usually lacks and people are always trying to explain themselves in a defending way of their oppinions or they are not explaining themselves at all. The people I have met usually split into two: the ones who like to talk and express themselves, and the ones who don't like to talk at all.
Is it okay to accept everyone the way they are when you don't feel comfortable anymore ? Finding the right people around you can be really tough, especially when you did not grow up in the same environment as they did. There are times when I often question myself, whether to leave everything behind and move back home, but I am also not quite sure if home is still home for me? Stuck between two countries can be really tough when you are willing to understand both sides, but also try to shape yourself during this process.

I used to write a lot down here on my blog, but somehow I lost this too. We lose and forget the things we enjoy while being overwhelmed and opressed by other situations. I do have a very sensitive mind when it comes to personal problems and what I did notice about myself for the positive is that I started walking soft on things I shouldn't mind much. Realising I am growing out of the younger self and becoming a little more 'grownish'. Especially workwise I can say that I am becoming more and more the person I am trying to be.. but work is a totally different context.

Opening up about feelings and thoughts is also not easy, since everyone is trying to act cool. Especially in the world we live in today; the social media, which shows us stereotypes of everything, how it should be and how it shouldn't be... but for me, it was always okay to show yourself vulnerable until I found out it does not mean anything unless the person, who sees you this way, understands and respects you for showing yourself in that specific type of mind. I hope I got that right.. what I mean is; there are these people... no, there are so many people living in their own social circle, having their own problems and expectations and these individual circles can sometimes cross each other, but for how long that crossing takes, always depends on a) you and b) the person in front of you and c) the situation you both are in. To find the balance can become so complicated, that you start caring less and become numb.. you lose interest the moment you find out the handicap of the specific one; and by handicap I do not mean flaws.. more like the problems that show up, which eventually end up being the reason for you not to move on with that person.

Besides all of this mind tumulose, there are moments, you realise that life is too short to negotiate all the time on things that actually matter less and less by time.. although you only realise this, the moment something serious happens to your loved ones. (e.g. accidents, health problems, death etc.)

I'm happiest when life is wholesome, being in the sunshine and petting my cat while drinking a nice ole iced coffee. Everything else - consumer madness, instant gratification via socail media, worrying about my apperance is all white noise I don't want to care to hear. shoutout to @amyvagabondd

Side note:You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star; Friedrich Nietzsche.

I might or might not write more soon.. xx